My need for recharge time is not an insult and it’s not even about you. You can help me by not pressuring me into going to an event and not judging me for leaving earlier than you think I should. I’ll usually leave these events early to prevent the possibility of a meltdown by having some quiet time. Same goes for large functions like weddings and end of year parties. I try to avoid crowded public spaces because they’re prone to overwhelming stimuli and tricky to navigate social situations. There’s a reason why I don’t go to the movies on a Friday night, I send my husband to the supermarket alone and I do almost all of my shopping online and the parcels go to a PO box that my husband checks. You can also help prevent them in the first place by helping us to avoid triggering situations. Just being someone that we can flag that with, goes a very long way. It might mean going outside with me for a walk or telling me it’s ok to finish out the day from home. Listen to what I’m saying, believe me and help me remove myself from the situation or place. You can help me during the pre-meltdown phase by being someone I can say “Hey, I feel a meltdown coming” to. The tears and the spinning room is the trigger point for me- the the point at which the meltdown is really happening. If I can remove myself from the overwhelming situation or place during the pre-meltdown phase, there’s a good chance I can put the brakes on it. In me, it’s right before the tears well up in my eyes and the room starts to spin.

I experience a pre-meltdown phase of sorts when my heart rate quickens and it becomes hard to breathe. I can feel a meltdown coming before it hits. I work damn hard to keep them at bay and there are some things you can do to help too. No matter how uncomfortable, distressed or inconvenienced you may feel, the autistic person having the meltdown is suffering on a whole other level. Meltdowns are a horrible thing to experience. You might think that the consequences of these thoughts should be enough of a deterrent to head off the meltdown but that’s just not how they work. They fuel my anxiety and speed up that loss of control. Am I disturbing them? Am I making them feel uncomfortable? Are the going to view me as immature or irrational? Will this hurt my career prospects? These are the thoughts that are spiralling through my mind. I can only speak for myself, but when I have a meltdown or when I can feel myself heading for one, I get very worried about the impact on other people. Telling an autistic person to up their resilience isn’t helpful. They can happen at anytime and can be caused by a number of factors including: environmental stimuli, stress, uncertainty, rapid and impactful change and much more. Meltdowns are emotional avalanches that run their course whether you or the autistic person having it likes it or not. It doesn’t last long but once triggered, there’s no stopping it. It is the complete loss of emotional control experienced by an autistic person. It’s not a tantrum and it’s not something a small child does several times a day- unless of course that child is autistic. This is a real life memory of an autistic meltdown I had at work last year.Ī meltdown is not a word you use to describe a bad day. The fresh, cool air on the tears pouring down my cheeks makes me feel like I’ve just broken the surface of the bottomless pit I was drowning in. She hands me my water bottle and takes me outside for a walk.

Someone puts their arm around me and asks what’s wrong. My heart is pounding and I’ve completely lost control. The room is spinning and through the tears flowing down my face, the glare from my monitor burns my eyes. Tears well up in my eyes and I swallow hard, desperately trying to get rid of them but I can’t. It’s getting darker outside and even brighter inside.

The call ends and the emails keep coming. Where is my water bottle?! Oh crap she’s still talking and I have no idea what she just said. The fluorescent light makes me feel like I’ve been transported to another dimension and I didn’t give permission.

I can’t understand what she wants me to do. She wants to know what I think about someone’s email. Can’t get out of the chair.Įmail alerts in the bottom corner of my screen start flooding in and my phone flashes continuously with text messages. My mouth is dry but I’m too busy to get up and get a drink. The sound of multiple conversations being had around me in the open plan office fills my head and blocks my thoughts. My heart rate rises and I start to sweat. I’m becoming more aware of the fluorescent light above me and the hum of the air conditioning system continues to pulse right through me as it has all day. The daylight is fading and the sky is slowly turning purple with flecks of pink. It’s just after 4pm on a Thursday in the second week of August in 2016.

High functioning autism meltdown